The loss of a wife is a serious blow to a man. He cannot himself look after small children, or cook. He cannot even decently fetch himself water. The urgency to find a replacement depends on the number and age of the children, and on the alternative womanpower available, either in his own household or readily to be borrowed. An older man with a resident daughter-in-law is in no hurry, and may not remarry at all, whereas a man with young children and no woman in the household may be in a desperate plight.
In the whole area, old men with daughters-in-law apart, I knew of only one man without a wife. He did his own cooking and chores. He had two sons, said to be 13 and 15 years old, the elder of whom would soon be able to bring in a daughter-in-law. Perhaps he preferred to keep his resources, which were very limited, for his son's marriage. His behaviour was however decidedly eccentric.
Normally, urgency precludes careful choice and preparation. A widower has a home in running order, and desperately needs a competent housekeeper. Public display is out of the question; he does not want a large trousseau, and is not usually much concerned about physical attractiveness or honour. He is very likely to take a widow or a divorcee, and the market for secondhand wives is always brisk. Sometimes a widower takes an unmarried girl for a rather higher bride price, but he will be allowed to have her only as a favour because she is a close kinswoman or because her honour has been sullied; or because her father is poor or not unduly concerned with his own honour.
People say it is the duty of the deceased wife's family to supply a sister, for a reduced bride price and without a full wedding. Very often, of course, this is impossible, and I only